Röyksopp “The Fear” video competition winner
“Everybody has their own fear. They are haunting on us, follow us. But there’s a moment when you can’t hide, when you have to face your own fear. And after that, you can find your own peace.”
Lost Sense of Love
In my 22 years on this planet, I have had more crushes then romantic relationships. My problem stems from a rejection I had when I was young that included my crush and me. It was really hard for my little sensitive soul to get over this tiny event in my life, mainly because it wasn’t tiny to me at the time. It was a traumatic experience that even to this past weekend when I went to the blues festival, I couldn’t help but feel the same feeling of when I was younger fill my heart with sadness.
As much as I like to rant and rave about this incident in my youth, I still find myself in pain from it to this day. It often feels like a mystery that I don’t know how to solve. So, as I’m watching the band on stage I can’t help but feel that someone nearby is looking at me. Sure enough, I’m right as rain. This is my problem, a guy looking at me from afar tends to trigger my trauma. I used to hide myself as much as possible or walk away. I’d do this because I felt the need to protect myself from the lost sense of love. That lost sense of love was an illusion, I know that.
I know this emotion well, and it fades with time. It is important for me, an HSP, to do all I can to get through the time after this trauma re-appears. Otherwise, my intense response can turn even more traumatic than the event I had when I was young. I’ve gotten better at this with time to where I can now look back instead of hiding myself as much as possible or to even walk away. I wish there was a way to communicate this without having to say a word to the other soul, but I’m still figuring it out.
If I’ve hurt those that have fallen in love with a part of me from a distance, I apologize for not showing you that I do care about that love you would like to share. I have many things I’ve learned to overcome slowly, and I have more to come. Please don’t point the finger at either one of us, please be patient with me. That is all I can ask.
Guillotine
Long story short, the web of skin between my thumb and pointer finger on my right hand met with a plastic guillotine yesterday. It healed over night because I’m so healthy. I just realized that I haven’t used a band-aid for quite some time. I hope that is a good thing.
Distractions
I have a lifetime to accomplish what I want to accomplish and the important thing for now is the ability to rise to whatever challenges come into my life. The challenges at this time are more like opportunities to teach and be taught. By taking this attitude, I will be able to settle problems at a faster rate than if I were to just fuss over the interruptions.
I must find a space where I can work, express my talent, read, study or talk on the phone without these interruptions. It’s going to be interesting, and I know I can do this on my own.
Life Works Out
I’m very grateful that I’m able to grow and experience change in my life in an orderly way, without the periods of total chaos that some people go through when circumstances demand change.
Even if I do bump into some hard times I emerge in good shape. I love that I can discipline myself to make do with whatever resources are available. In hard times I am very careful. I will always be appreciative of how much effort it takes to make my life work well.
